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What If You Could See Exactly How You Disappeared — and Find Your Way Back?
Two clinical checklists in one free guide: one to see how narcissistic abuse slowly erased you, and one to track your way back to yourself once you're out.
Enter your email below and I'll send you Are You Being Erased? 2 Standalone Assessment — a free, in-depth PDF you can read at your own pace and return to as you need.
Send me the Assessments
What You'll Get:
Are You Being Erased? takes something that usually feels chaotic, personal, and impossible to explain — the sense that you slowly disappeared inside your own relationship — and lays it out as what it actually is: a deliberate, recognizable process, with a way back.
The guide is built around two self-assessments, so it meets you wherever you are right now:
- The Erasure Checklist — 15 questions across the three places erasure shows up: your daily life, your memory and sense of reality, and your inner world. See clearly whether it's happening, and how far it's gone.
- The Reclamation Tracker — 15 signs you're coming back to life after leaving, across three phases of recovery — so you can measure the small, often invisible proof that you're returning to yourself.
Inside, you'll also find:
- What your count actually means for each assessment, with honest tiers — from early warning signs through full-scale erasure, and from the first flicker of recovery through self re-growing
- The "thousand small subtractions" — why no single incident ever felt big enough to name, yet the cumulative effect hollowed you out
- The scaffolding and the thermostat — why a narcissist needs you erased to stay standing, and what it means to finally take your hands off the dial
- The 90-Second Sovereignty Challenge — a small, immediate way to prove the pilot light is still on
- Concrete next steps depending on where you are: still in it, recently out, or healing from the past
- Resources for grounding your reality and finding ongoing support
Read it slowly. Take breaks. Come back to the questions that land hardest. This isn't material to rush through.
This is for you if…
You can't quite remember the last time you answered "What do you want for dinner?" without first checking someone else's face. You apologize automatically, for things that were never yours to carry. You look at photos of yourself from before this relationship and feel like you're looking at a stranger.
Maybe people tell you you're too sensitive, too dramatic, imagining things — and some part of you has started to believe them, because the person you're trying to make sense of is so charming, so plausible to everyone else.
Or maybe you've already left, and instead of feeling free, you feel hollow. You genuinely don't know what you like anymore, and choosing something purely for yourself sets off an anxiety you can't explain. You want to know whether you're actually healing — and what that even looks like.
Or maybe it isn't you at all — maybe it's someone you love, and you're watching them slowly vanish and trying to understand what they're up against.
Wherever you are on that road — still inside it, newly out, or further along — this guide is for you.
Who I am
I'm Dr. Kerry McAvoy — a retired clinical psychologist and the host of the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast. I've spent years helping survivors of narcissistic abuse and coercive control put language to what happened to them and find their way back to themselves, and I'm the author of three books on recognizing and recovering from toxic relationships.
So much of the harm in these relationships happens quietly, in pieces too small to name from the inside — which is exactly why so many survivors carry shame for not having seen it sooner. I made this free guide to give you what's hardest to find while you're in it: a clear, gentle way to see the pattern, and a map back. It belongs to you now.